First, the fact that some
online to see a post, a woman, now living with her boyfriend for three years, ready to get married, is getting a text message is sent by another woman. Is her boyfriend's colleagues who had an office romance, the two have been together for eight months, making love two or three times a month, almost once a week. The female colleagues and send text messages say? said she loved this man, do not want to miss, that is, with this woman talk to her boyfriend to come out.
this lady is very confused. that break up, they love this man. that regardless of it, have been carrying out his other woman. carried out for eight months , the marriage does not end, the first out of the track. So confused, this post posted on the Internet, hoping to find a way. a collection of all wisdom, to see how people look.
keep abreast really is more the result . two hundred fifty-one comments, write all kind of long. written are justified, are justified. Unfortunately, differences of opinion are also getting bigger.
course, the general opinion, can be grouped into two categories, one species are in favor of such a kick out of her boyfriend. Shanxi Taiyuan, a user said: it. Huizhou, Guangdong, a user said: Things are only two possibilities: one is divided, a co. This two hundred fifty-one friends, who have two views. If the resolution is not strong enough, I want to help this woman, in fact, not there will be much help. because the two views, diametrically opposed, to put it are particularly reasonable, how to reconcile it? how choose? This is a serious problem. must come out, to reconcile these two diametrically opposed views can be resolved conflicts, resolve confusion, harmony. This is of course want to achieve in this realm. This we say in the back. take a look at the views of netizens.
kick off in favor of her boyfriend's friends, and some very exciting . I think he was on the point. because of the wonderful message too much, I can only pick one I think that speaks a good pick.
an Australian friends, I think the reason he made very sub- in place. He said: will often suspicious of his every move. how to live together for three years there, he do that to you. is that he loves you performance? some people still living together 8 years apart. you points so early, you can slowly fade That is longer than your other people, is not even worse. I am a man opened Thought. may I live it out. I think when living together that you love, it should not love you, than the end marriage of talent that much better.
, feeling began to sprout, he went to the other is normal. But the man explained, is an irresponsible person. to the people, if you were married, have children, he will take good care of you you. so much pressure, he will choose to give you? or face everything. once infidelity, a hundred times not. My advice is, break up. not you can not live without him. bit Chongqing friends say: I am divorced. that woman is his hands. We have so hard together. relationship, has not perfect. Well, this is not perfect, would be a continuing negative impact. So you have another choice: to give up this relationship, and then with another person, to re-establish a perfect relationship.
before the speaker's point is what? an infidelity, a hundred times no. This deception and betrayal, the nature of very poor. This is the greatest sin. The shadow is not able to play down by the time the. betrayal damage is beyond repair. psychological shadow, it is impossible untie the knot. This time, he betrayed you, if not separate between the two of you have no basis of trust. you will not trust him commitment. And you do not forget, this person betrayed you. Therefore, your future is not guaranteed; your happiness can not be guaranteed. it should be separated. And then separately, for you are worthy of consideration choice. After a netizen told, do not worry, we will live well.
the previous two to say, has been clearly demonstrated by another users. a Guangzhou user said: If you're so sad. I have a boyfriend in court work, and engage in a practice on. She is also the initiative to suggest. more on the network with her classmates (and we have some knowledge of) talking about her own third party to do, how my boyfriend is not willing. boyfriend said they were together only 7 days, just kissing and hugging her (I still do not believe), is the day I know that he had told her clearly . I asked him why, to make this kind of thing, he replied it is not know, just feel that time boast that they are floating, but know loves me very much. I told him that their love is so, then to deep love. Later, we together for a very long time. However, I can not forget his betrayal of me. I hate him but love him even more ... There is a constant torture, or separated. Actually, I know his own selfish, how can the desire which a man is not selfish it? very reasonable. He was the boyfriend of this lady, very highly.
the Inner Mongolia users (222.39 .*.*) the post, said: you!!! But if I had your husband would find Valentine, who, after all, marriage is not all, but most of life!!! I love to eat and drink like noodles, but can not eat pasta, but it does not I love the effect it!!! I do not mind you lovers, because I love you, relaxed and happy as long as you live, I will happy. but do not become her husband lover, so it will end in tragedy!! ! new husband after marriage still will be lovers!!! I think your husband is a good person, able to handle prioritized things, really smart, cool, a man of principle. I'm afraid you can hardly find a more than he the better!! woman men would like to buy things look the same. things produced, and every kind has advantages and disadvantages, many people choose, always the lack of such, that there are shortcomings that came to the conclusion a conclusion, these products have failed (that is, men are not good things)!!! this really right? we will not consider! it does fail you will not buy it? the answer is yes: maximum benefits. the only way to product problems, said to myself, it would prove that he is a problem that all men are like this, but he still is one of the best, as he so good I can not find a second! so you still happy with his life. there is a choice, that is life is not placing orders, that natural selection not to worry about! friend, if you think you will not find better than he the future, then you tolerate because it is worth. If you think you will find the future better than her, then to get out of him, because human life is limited, not to the things not worth wasting too much time. The user said: It takes courage and wisdom, and a weakness of human nature a tolerant mind. who, after all, social beings, not angels, not so pure as you think! If you know the perception of life, and then will become a romance romantic past After all, people have a more profound aspect of its mm human! as long as they share his / her 80, I've very happy. I do not mind the other 20 were taken away by anyone. I will not because there is no assigned 100 to one do not. because if this I No, the next 100, maybe I still do not get anything. to get that is good. because people are not angels. This is the talk after a netizen. A woman in Guangzhou. She said that the weakness of human nature to be forgiving.
Second, the analysis part of the
how I look at this thing? I say, listen to people who would go to sleep. I say things are less interesting, a little more than theory. But if the theories do not speak, although it Interestingly, they did not solve the problem. to understand, then he should be unreasonable.
the emergence of this situation is a manifestation of poverty. Chinese people in general is very poor. Chinese people in sexual life, in love life, in marriage, which, on the whole are poor. the poverty, is part of overall poverty. Our men and women, even if the economy out of poverty, it is very easy to fall into other difficulties. For example, the moral dilemma , emotional difficulties, choice of difficulties. I think that we face is a total environment, an impossible to get rid of the background in the short term. background limited value. This is what I want to say first.
me give a few examples, the Chinese people in general is very poor.
in health, in health care, we are poor. from 1991 to 2000, the Government allocated funding for the National Farmers cooperative medical care down the per share only 1 cent each year (An estimated six to insure that person (is 1:2. Now we calculated a 1:1, how many of our health care people? 750,000. an average of about 2,000 people who have a doctor, an average of about 2,000 people who have a nurse. In other countries, many countries There is one doctor per 100 people.
China's population accounts for 22% of the world, China's expenditure on education accounted for 1% of the world, health expenditure as a percentage of the world 2%.
On the financial front, we are very poor. We not only less money, and our banks are less ah. It was reported: The United States has more than 7,000 small and medium banks, there are a few Chinese banks do? not a few, so we have very few choices available.
so We are poor farmers. We are all sons of farmers. Our society as a whole chassis is farmers in rural areas. in the city who can not alone become rich. impossible. the plight of farmers is the city's plight. my parents and sisters their plight is my dilemma. 11,500 U.S. credit unions, but China is lending to the farmers who? also unclear property rights of rural cooperative credit, bad debt rate of 56%, and has been controlled by local governments. The farmers have been unable to entrepreneurship in rural areas, only living to the city, and work as coolies cubs. and because the barriers of the household registration system, migrant workers return year after year, and only in rural areas.
our poor economy, of course, we ancestors had been wide, it is not false. we are ancient civilizations of China, ancestors had been wide, this is no doubt that the World Economic Co-operation In 1995 research report issued by China is the world's largest economic power, behind India, France, the United Kingdom before the United States ranks No. 9, No. 10 .200 Prussian years, economic output per capita in North America increased by 17 times, Western Europe increased by 13 times, 10 times southern Europe, Latin America 9 times, 6 times in Eastern Europe and Asia, Africa 3 times. the world per capita income, increased $ 5,145 from $ 650, up 7 times, and we insist on staying at the level of a few hundred dollars.
1965, Japan's gross national product with our GDP is also equal to 1985, Japan's GDP is 5 times of 1992 is 8 times the .20 century of 70-80 years, 20 years, GDP growth in Japan 17 times, four little dragons increased 11-18 times, 5 times the growth in Malaysia and Thailand, China's growth is only 3 times.
Professor Yuan Zhengguang said with emotion, our 21% of the world's population, produced only less than 3% of world gross national product value. Our compatriots in Taiwan, the post-war per capita is 100 U.S. dollars, after 40 years of efforts, in 1992 exceeded $ 10,000. Our starting point is similar to the 20th century, only 800 to 1000 U.S. dollars per person. Today, when we When finally reached $ 800, $ 41,000 Luxembourg, Switzerland, $ 40,000, Japan $ 39,000, U.S. $ 39,000 (U.S. $ 27,000 for the 80's, 90's and 3.9 million in 2002 to 4.2 million) Germany $ 29,000. From the perspective of the gap between the early 90s, the gap between the developed countries is more than 10,000 U.S. dollars, now it is over 20,000, over 30,000 or even more than 40,000 U.S. dollars.
human experienced more than 200 years of the original economy, over 5,000 years of agricultural economy, has had about 300 years of industrial economy is now entering a new economic era of knowledge economy mm.
the mainstream economy of our country, still in the agricultural economy. to grain production capacity, the United States, a farmer, arrived in our 129.68 In 1991 the farmers labor productivity of the labor force the United States is directly engaged in agriculture 278.3 million, accounting for 2.2% of the employed population, the total population 1.1%. the production of grain up to 3.5 million tonnes (1992), is the world's largest grain exporter; 4.3 billion of agricultural labor force in 1995, producing 465 million tons of grain, including corn and 4.17 million tonnes (Yuan Zhengguang, 2003) .
economic base determines the superstructure. moral order is part of the superstructure.
we are morally very poor. less sense of responsibility. Responsibility is weak. of less. feelings are less. love less. Our , we love, purity is not high, the amount is very small. We should work together to enrich these objects. rich in these relationships.
not to mention compliance with traditional morality. Every day I hear people say so, I hear a good laugh . China for several thousand years of tradition. is like saying the sexual aspect is very conservative. is not pro-women and men giving and receiving. is not about sex. is to talk about chastity. In fact, this has nothing to do and loyalty. and orthodox sexual morality had nothing to no. fully understand of the way. Some people say that my people are very traditional. I feel very funny. I think this is the traditional ignorance, is the spiritual poverty.
What is tradition? This is a big problem. tradition is official standard is king based. tradition is three wives four concubines, three from the four virtues. our five thousand years of culture, that is about three wives four concubine culture. This is the orthodox culture, not a grass-roots culture. traditional culture is bound feet . the custom of foot binding, probably when he started against the Qing Dynasty established until the time of Liang, but also not completely anti-off.
our tradition, is a salty pickled radish five thousand years. very salty. Although strong flavor, but no nutrition. adhere to traditional moral aspects of our nature, in the emotional aspects, will be very poor.
them as in the previous example, sex not given more space. no. was the marriage of a monopoly. is also not loved monopoly. In women, where sex and love associated with most, it seems as long as there is love, can be given of, or that they love sex just gave.
In actual fact, our love not grow up. Love is the philosophy of medieval Europe. love, but, in that we also will not work here. what we call love, there is no tradition to support. Few of our traditional spirit of this resources, spiritual wealth. Butterfly Lovers, able to support it? Motherhood in the Making up, Liu Lanzhi able to support it? Yang Yuhuan and Li Longji, able to support it? can not. We love the traditional, very weak. love-related developed on the rules did not.
our love, is very poor. the courage to love, there is no tradition of love, no love, faith, love, no responsibility, no passion, love, love without setbacks, there is no freedom love, love without dignity, are poor love. not only the love of money is not the love of poverty.
our social relations, interpersonal relationships, and very poor. Even if the relationship is very simple, but also We will be handled very tired, very troublesome, very complicated. not because of deep water here, but the water is very shallow, we are like fish can not swim, no trip to a deadlock. We can only Xiangruyimo , and can not forget themselves in the rivers and lakes.
example to the relationship between men and women. would have it, a person can develop close personal relationships and more, but in which there will be a most beautiful flowers. flower in the most beautiful flowers so that the full glory of our lives glow, so we were more than enough nourishment for the flower so willing to give up the whole spring. but we do not have such tradition. We only support the traditional pick a flower, pick one is one, not half-hearted. often can not be fundamentally doing what we all own, but assessed. The so-called pick, there is freedom of choice, and indeed, many of our people, have not been chosen. not enjoy freedom of choice, or can not afford to choose. Well, actually this flower is basically sufficient to support a person and forget, give up the whole spring. not.
course, each man would crush the awakening of love when a woman unrequited love a person can make things incredibly hard. rather as a flower to give up the whole spring. But what would happen? crush will always be premature. In traditional Chinese were, this secret love, is absolutely not necessary. because it is impossible to produce results. The value of China's evaluation system has not changed. have value only want to grow old. Other male-female relationships have no value.
in confidence, in the spirit of the force, we also are poor. We are a full range of poverty . material poverty, the spirit of poverty. we have confidence? have the confidence to love it? We are committed to the pursuit of love? did not. because we have said. This means that our poverty is comprehensive. The following should talk about, why so poor, there is no way to change?
three, deep analysis of the causes and problem-solving advice
Why are we poor? Why is it full of poverty?
(a) Historically, we missed some opportunities.
people engaged in the steam engine, we began to engage in a Kangxi, and later engaged in the opium war; people out electrical, we engaged in the Westernization Movement, the Hundred Days Reform, the May Fourth Movement; family engaged in the information revolution, when engaged in computer, we are engaged in the Cultural Revolution.
to elaborate a little, study The reason why the economic backwardness of China? from a technical point of view, we missed three great technological revolution. The first time was the 18th century. steam engine is a sign of .1688, the Kangxi twenty years, the United Kingdom Glorious Revolution, the establishment of the bourgeois constitutional monarchy system of .1769, the Qianlong thirty-three years, Watt made his first steam engine; 1775, Qianlong four decades, the U.S. War of Independence broke out; 1769, thirty-four years of Qianlong, Napoleon was born; 1789, Fifty-four years of Qianlong, the French Revolution broke out; 1696, John. Locke published him a hot air balloon at the time of industrial products, the Qianlong refused to ratify the test release. He said: value of manufactured goods to your country on I use. not too far.
not make the same mistake twice, but we made at least three times. The second time was in the early 20th century electricity. engines, motors, telephones, electric lights, underground, reinforced concrete buildings, elevators, cars, Tram, a group of new technologies and sequential came out .1933 years ago, the United States or territories have dregs. Fortunately, a large number of scientists rushed to Hitler to the United States, from the world's scientific, economic and political center from Europe to North America. General Electric Company , Westinghouse, Ford, economy and society began to .
third time since World War II. .1946 mankind enters the electronic age, the birth of .1971 computer, the computer appeared in 1981, the introduction of personal computers. Taiwan and Hong Kong, the world caught up with the tail of high economic growth , a new industrial area. but our country was busy taking class struggle as the key link.
(b) the material basis of the poor, the monotony of the decision of the spiritual life.
economic base determines the superstructure. or that the material basis poor, the decision of the spiritual life of monotony. love life is the spiritual part of life. Chinese people's love life is also very poor. on the whole more than the box, free small. free small little choice.
on the age sex could have been sixteen to twenty-year-old or three-year-old things, love is what this period, perhaps even earlier than this. Marriage is a three-year-old after the thing.
love is love, love is sex, marriage is marriage. These three do not put together. me this is not just a Luanjiang's. Once the improved economic conditions, the rich spiritual life is inevitable.
Renmin University of China last week to participate in cultural world seminars, expert one is Liu Jager, compared to China and Japan among college students in romantic relationships and sexual norms. There are several basic data is very interesting .2005, higher education enrollment rate, China is 19.1%, Japan 54%. disapprove of premarital sex high school boys in Chinese cities, accounting for 50%, 68% of girls in Japan, only 9.8% (average). have had sexual experience, college students, boys, China 36.6%, Japan 63%; girls, China is 26.8%, Japan 62.3%.
high school students had sexual experience, then, among the children of Chinese cities, less than 3%; to higher than this in Tokyo, Japan more, male 35.7%, female 44.3%.
for the A 22-year-old Chinese boy say: together with others if there is a virgin, she would bring unnecessary trouble. , first sexual relationship is a transition to the rights of adults. a 23-year-old Japanese male student said: But I do not think that way. If a girl before having sex with me and other men who have had sex, I do not mind. I do not think this is what dirty things or something.
Japanese students that: adult dating and sex is the only way. sexual experience, as an aspect of adulthood, and adults, work, marriage, family and the responsibility of raising children and the like is irrelevant. < br> Chinese students think: the best place in those relationships to work or will the people who graduate from school. When a person has the economic basis of marriage and raising children ready to face all sexual relations and other consequences that may result , he can have sex.
Liu Jager concluded that the Japanese students, sex is a voluntary act, but how lovers should do, while Chinese students that is free of sexual acts with each other, but how many people can not accept. Liu that the power of the Chinese women's sense of being indifferent to sexual selection.
why the Japanese be able to sex as an intimate relationship between people to enjoy, and being able to separate them from the responsibilities and commitments out? I personally think that, because Japanese sense of responsibility has been achieved in other places. without the need for sexual activity alone among the requirements of responsibility, requiring commitment. it is that simple. If you've had a bunch of kids, or you do not intend to have children, then You do not give birth with the task of sex. If you are already a billionaire, you do not need to find each other before or after having sex for money or to present, it is said that Hong Kong's film and television star from Taiwan to accompany rich big boss earns millions of sleep a night, which shows that our singer is not very wealthy movie star.
(c) the moral resources of the whole society, a serious loss.
another, deeper reason. Our moral resources of this society has lost a very serious very powerful.
To be sure, our moral responsibility, from the time of the Cultural Revolution began, it has been fully lost. nineties about moral decline, and now almost bottomed out. is to establish a new order of the time.
the entire society has lost its moral, loss of conscience, how do you expect the traditional sexual morality alone which keeps the intact? this is impossible. our society The biggest sexual misconduct activities is not far, far beyond the husband and wife or lovers of mutual betrayal and deceit.
in the framework of the existing social order, to restore the old morality, traditional morality, it is impossible thing. You want to make it up, and then how to save, will not have a big effect. All the people do not take responsibility, you want to take responsibility for couples or lovers? difficult. all things are not ethical, do you want sexual activity or sexual relations as a moral example? impossible. prevalent custom case. Therefore, it is to establish a new order of the time.
this society, the misconduct of the largest office? is irrational allocation of resources, that opportunity does not equal, is the possession of resources, should bear the responsibility of the person who could do a bad example. the whole community, no one is responsible. no one resigned, no one ritual suicide. This is the biggest misconduct. but can be investigated, yearning for morality, it is human nature. Finally, we settled for people who want the most intimate relations to achieve moral ideal which I hope to achieve through sexual responsibility, to achieve humane care. In fact, it is of course impossible to do so. This is where our dilemma.
Under the current social situation which, in reality no one is responsible for them, I think we asked not to be too high, take a step backward. If we understand their own history in which stage, if we have wisdom, we can frankly cheated, frankly lie to achieve an to deceive, frankly cheated it? no one is willing to accept this fact: their husband or wife happily to the unit, the result of what he / she saw all the people on the unit he / she is after all think: Aiyo, really sad Yeah, well sorry na. You see, he / she pretty happy, but also kept in the dark yet. is unfortunate ah. He / she wife / husband carrying her / his business, see He did not know what to mm we can not tell him / her who are willing to accept this feeling mm? This self-esteem, self-confidence was a great hit! so no one would he / she telling the truth. This is a person personality, value the most fatal blow. This is a person with cancer, to the late, doctors know that relatives and friends all know that he did not know, he kinda happy that this hospital is really useless. checked several months, the result is blank in the end tell what disease is. relatives and friends, including the family, who have the heart to expose it? Who told him the truth then?
fact that it is fate. This is our present situation . our kind of enlightenment. But you do if someone else so all of a sudden, find themselves sold to others, you will immediately see through the Red Dust and despair. the whole world collapsed. This is not everyone can afford. especially the wise man, people who have self-esteem. such as Lao She, jump Taiping Lake, it is understandable.
fact it is a deceived, why did I not deceived? how I would have a special good luck? this matter may not. does not matter. This is just normal. to have a normal, hard.
If you do not want an ordinary , then to go another direction. individual and personal relationships, in fact, depends on the individual and the government, the private rights of individuals and social relations between the public authority. In fact, corruption has seriously affected every citizen private life. But we do not think. We choose a man, choose a woman, or, changing men, changing the woman hoped that through this approach, to improve our well-being, so that we become more secure future happiness, increase our sense of security. Among the previous example, two views of netizens, separate or not to separate both mean this line of thinking.
I think that this problem-solving efforts, from the outset a directional error. As for the two options, which is better, I think the answer is not the only, like business and make money, not just a business can make money, nor is it only one way to make money. Both approaches can get good results, but also can make things worse. It all depends on the wisdom of the parties, and in later life, there is no growth in wisdom.
(d) where the gap .
I usually attribute their sexual deprivation over who controls some of the social resources, crowding out of my living space, crowding out of my house, my opportunities, limited my choices limited I can increase, so I'm into all aspects of poverty. Chinese Jour usual complex, its roots, is also here.'s largest misconduct of a society, the greatest injustice in this. But today we have no one ...
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